Some people thought I was a little weird when I asked them ‘who are you, really!‘
Last week I went to a spoken word performance with a few friends in Venice Beach. Mustafa Effortless, an incredibly talented artist made us all think about first-world issues. In one of his acts, he got all worked up over the question ‘what do you do?‘ and suggested it would be more interesting and important to know who you really are rather than what you do. What you do doesn‘t really say much about you. It‘s kind of temporary.
As with a lot of things, it made me think… and I started a little experiment….
When you go networking with fellow business owners, the question ‘what do you do?‘ is almost unavoidable and most people give the same boring reply. “I‘m a carpenter. I‘m a restaurant owner. I‘m a consultant.” And then the conversation usually doesn‘t go much further and it often isn‘t very exciting or memorable. You start looking over your shoulders and think about the best excuse to leave the non-conversation ‘excuse me, but I have to duck to the bathroom‘. Next….
The thing is that the ‘what do you do‘ question doesn‘t really tell you a lot about the person. Obviously it helps to know what he or she does, but you can generally find that information on the business card anyway. What if you knew a little bit more about him or her. What if someone told you ‘I am electric‘ (one of my friends actually did say that!) Would you remember them and keep the conversation going? I bet you would! Would the conversation be more exciting? Absolutely!
The thing is we buy from people we like and trust. As consumers we have so much choice (and as business owners, we have a lot of competition!). We are picky and so we should be. I‘d rather buy from a hairdresser who is funny, has a love for saving animals and cares about the environment instead of a hairdresser I don‘t know anything about other than that she is a hairdresser. It‘s something I can connect with.
So I did my little experiment and decided to ask people that question rather than the old ‘what do you do‘ one (I was a little bit nervous at first, a glass of wine always helps).
Then a few days ago I was speaking at a conference up in Santa Barbara and at the speakers‘ dinner I asked Jack Canfield the same question. Such a lovely and gentle soul, highly recommend checking him out. His reply was ‘I am a change-agent‘ (and a few other things I can‘t remember exactly). Saying that he is a change-agent is so much more engaging than if he said I‘m an author and speaker… and makes for a better conversation.
I decided to swallow my own medicine (or Mustafa‘s) and ever since that spoken word performance and a long discussion with friends afterwards I‘ve been thinking about how I would describe myself. It‘s so much harder than I thought. I know myself and I know who I truly am, but to put it into words… So I‘ve decided to ask people who know me.
This is what I‘ve posted on my Facebook wall last night (in case you are keen to join me in the discovery of your own ‘description‘):
“After watching a thought-provoking spoken word performance last week, I‘ve been doing a little experiment: If you had to describe me with one word, what would it be? Don‘t hold back. (*I‘m scared hahaha).
I admit it, I am a little bit scared (I know, hard to believe) and I will be sharing my results below this article with you. Can you do the same if you join me?
Here is to truly connecting with people and to better conversations beyond the ‘what do you do‘ blah blah blah.
Thanks for listening!
Franziska Iseli-Hall